Tags
anxiety, cancer, cancer suvivor, childhood stress, children, disabled mummy, family, fear, fuck cancer, fuck you cancer, h, life after cancer, mummy, school, stress, stuck in hospital
This post isn’t about me it’s about family and how they are affected by my ill health and my hospital stays. It’s something I’ve mentioned but recently the effects have been bad have been BAD.
As you know I’ve just been discharged after being in hospital for eight weeks. My husband has had to keep the house running, the children going and visiting Me AND all my extra washing as well as things I wanted bringing into the hospital.
Now being a military wife some might say well it’s just the same as when the husband or wife go away on tour. That’s just wrong, when a husband or wife goes away for 4 or 6 months we have to juggle the house, children, dogs, and family we do not have the added stress and worry of having a loved one in hospital and the additional stress of visiting , and finding parking, which is damn near impossible as Stoke Mandiville Hospital! He’s had to cope with the children being upset because mummy is sick, the seven-year-old who is waking up in the night because he misses mummy and is scared that something bad is gonna happen . He then has me phoning whingeing saying I’m having a bad day, saying the crazy patient opposite has been literally screaming for ten hours or that the little old lady you really liked had passed away. Venting my frustrations about Doctors or Nurses or that HCA who was making up numbers when taking SATS (yes I reported him).
When you get home I hope everything will go back to normal but it doesn’t, you come home to a seven-year-old who is crying because she wants a cuddle yet she’s sitting on your lap cuddling you. A child who doesn’t trust your home to stay so doesn’t want to be away from you. One who’s regressed so so much your no longer mummy but mumma.
It gets worse!
While is in hospital I was I thought I kept in the loop about D and how she was coping at school which wasn’t well and what was being done about it.
You come home and take over school run because she wants which is fine and I’m quite liking getting back to normal. Your then told by senior member of staff that she is not just been having a bit of a rough time, she’s now the polar opposite of the child you left.
The highlights.. {scarcasm here!}
*she barely smiles [was known as a smiler last year]
*refusing to work to the extent she has been removed from the class! [just wow this has NEVER EVER happened]
*crys everyday over everything and nothing (again new)
*not speaking to adults well [ok well yes she need reminding sometimes but it’s never been an issue.]
And so much more.
I may have been in hospital, but, she has 2 parents. Yes they told G that she was struggling but OMFG REALLY ….. we could have put things in place .. support or I don’t know?! arranged for me to call her every lunch time … oh I don’t know but SOMETHING … now we are in a situation where it appears that her form teacher thinks she’s a “bad kid” [my assumption not something that’s been said – but I do have my reasons ] Now, they do have pastoral care type person Miss A and she’s great but she’s not in the classroom she’s there as a defuser for when this kick off or have a melt down [again an assumption based on what I’ve seen ] don’t get me wrong she lovely and when D has has a melt down she’s taken her off for a walk so daisy can chat away to her heart content and do a bit if a brain dump- ready to return to class.
My my poor girl [ive not forgotten my boy but I think he would appreciate me just saying how he’s suffered too but because he’s well ard he ok… I joke but seriously – Yes he’s suffered, but since being in cadets he seems to be able to handle things much much better – that said young careers are also helping out]… where was I? Yes D she’s massively been suffering and I feel that we have been somewhat been kept in the dark… perhaps from a well meaning standpoint but one I wholeheartedly believe is wrong.
So …what have we done, tried to reassure her as much as we can especially as she doesn’t believe for one second that I’m not going back into hospital. I’ve sought advice from my wonderful GP who I cannot thank enough Dr L ..and I’m going to see her teacher Tuesday.
Dr L said something that’s very true…
Your family are professional copers…no one knows how much you are going through and dealing with as you have a vissard.
So trying to lower the vissard here’s a few little known family facts ..
Ok dropping my guard here!
G wakes up early every day to prepare my medication. Every day so that I can move in the morning, as without my medication I’m stuck in bed.. [there’s about eight meds, some need crushing and putting into water, some are liquids all need to be in syringes and then go into my feeding tube (PEG)].
Another random one not many people know about is..
I cant be a passenger in a car more than 20 minutes without vomiting [violently even after medication, yet I struggle with fatigue so don’t drive too far… what to do? The thoughts are that the radiotherapy damaged my inner ear massively which also accounts for some of my valence issues.
Anyways this is me signing off – I usually say still smiling but today I am truthfully not smiling
