Still smiling – but with help (arm pic)

It seems like ages since I have updates – I actually think its 4 days which I guess in blog terns is quite a lot. Truth be told I have mostly slept since my last blog.

I mean that literally all I seem to do is sleep, one day I went for a nap at 1am and woke up at 4am .. talk about sleeping your life away…

So the syringe driver that I went home with si working well I haven’t been sick once (touches wood), I developed a lovely allergy to the dressings

, but thankjfully the district nurses had various ones to try. The district nurses have been amazing – I have known some of them since October with my bback so its lovley to see them, yjeu klnow the kids they know the dogs and most importantly they know me and know I look when I am ok. They currently come out every day and refill my syringe driver and whilst they are there every other day they change the dressings on my arm, which incidently is looking fanbloodytastic its amazing here is a pic…


I had the doc round the other day, my GP to see how I was and stuff – the mutual decision was made to start happy pills as I have emotionally been struggling, so rather than having them for depression per say, its situational at the moment. But who knows – I do have a history of depression, from regular depression to post natal. We are just waiting for the medication in liquid form so it can go down the peg.

Talking of the PEG im still 99.9% reliant on the peg now – I am trying things – the other day I tried a cuppa soup I managed a few tea spoons of that and a tiny bit of mega soggy bread ! and I have had ice cream a table spoon at a time. I am getting in creasingly frustrated wit this – I have time that my swallow just doesn’t work – the mechanism just doest work – I have time where I choke and tiem where the pain is simply too much… and that’s all just with water. I try to taste food from g’s plate and its like I have forgotten what to do with it. But its not likr I can taste it anyways….

I have found myself making goals for the future some of which may sound small or pointless but for me atm they seem huge


• Eat Christmas Dinner

• Go On Holiday 2014 (pennies permitting)

• Not be afraid of eating to drinking in front of people

• Not be so self-conscious of my facial/ mouth problems

• Make my sewing our second income rather than a hobby ..

• Be a stronger person

Now its time to go back to bed –

still smiling xx



I have hidden myself away in the spare room to do some sewing and thought i would do an update while here, we have the most important bit – that the breast lump is nothing scary and is only apparent now due to weight loss so all good.

My appointment at the breast screening place was hilarious!

Well we went in and were directed to a waiting area behind us was a couple and i instantly thought i like you … smiled and sat down. G was on form, we were talking about my crutches (i walk with crutches have done for 8 years) which are polka dot and bloody lush !! anyways he said we should pimp them, i agreed we had lost of ideas … bunting, streamers and then LIGHTS  brilliant!!! i loved it I was busy working out how it would work imagining the battery operated christmas tree light and how pretty they would be then G pipes up !!! A LIGHT SABER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO  i say bluntly he looks me as if i had just killed his kitten – and says “ok so fairly lights .. that would be good for when your walking the streets at night!!” i replied far tooooo loud for a small waiting room !! I’m not a sodding prostitute !!! This is the point we realised the couple behind could hear every word because they were literally on the floor laughing !


So i get called in Mr GOH (gok wan is all i could see) a chinese chap with a lovely smile – “so i have this letter from maxofacial you have a lump … oh and mouth cancer… ” yep

OK i will take a history and we will go from there he says, and starts taking my history attempting to fit it in a 3×1 inch box !! yeah right ..

i so say pelvis .. mrsa … baby then mrsa .. then back and back op then this.

Then the man with an english as a second language accent says “thats bloody unlucky that” in the strongest londoner accident ever !!! I couldn’t keep a straight face – where the hell had that come from !!! albeit true lol


Then comes the exam G is there a nurse is there and income GOK straight away ahhh i see (im thinking shiiit if he can tell straight away this must be bad !!! – he has a good grope and circles 2 areas with biro (ovals ) —- G starts laughing again – WHAT i squawk at him … apparently 2 ovals a nipple and the bottom of a boobie makes a face !!!! and that was it we were both in fits again …

GOk had said we needed an ultra sound which was fine i was expecting that – so off we go to the waiting room again and the couple behind say hi this time. They are still playing a game on his phone so i ask what is it  4 pics 1 word !!! i had seen it all over Facebook so knew then general idea – so we down loaded it – i was pretty good got to level 70 in 15/20 mins ! and all the while chappy behind is saying – i know that one – oh that’s easy bla bla bla !!!


I get called into ultrasound by a russian sounding lady in her mid late forties ish !! i sit down de robe and G laughed as the face is still there !!! – the woman says I am just going to have a feel !! okaaaaaay – she closes her eyes and does what can only be described as a wax on wax off maneuver for what felt for ever !!! G was a picture .. he mouthed “should i just leave” lol so we had the ultra sound and all was good – was on a high !!!

went back in to see gok and he said yep we are all good, and good luck — i said ” i think this IS a high5 moment” he agreed “ HIGH 5 ………….


We left the hospital and had the radio blaring all the way home sooooooo happy that things were not looking really shite …. i txt a few friends and my sister with “NO BOOB CANCER” to the point and factual i thought !!!


So MIL is here now she is staying the week which is fab as she picked K up from school and entertained him while we were out and had a cuppa waiting for when we got home .. i was still buzzing at this point – she ordered take away curry – I didn’t managed much but had some naan dipped in the sauce which was nice


This morning was MRI  contrast – I had something (probably should have asked what ) put in my vein and then was scanned – i was in there for about an hour – maybe more – felt like for ever !!! I will get my results friday at the big meeting !!

We get home after picking D up from a friends house (she doesn’t know MIL well and would have freaked) and MIL had done 3 loads of washing the dishwasher is empty and the dogs are walked !!! oh and all the beds were made !!


I then had a call from the nutritionist as my weight loss – which I will from now on refer to as “my silver lining”  has been a bit too quick and it doesn’t bode too well for any fights i may have to put up in the near future ! so she makes some suggestions lots of which involve chocolate milk and something called calogen extra …….. so i will have to collect that from doc tmw –


Todays a good day … still smiling and my stomach muscle hurt from me n G have a laugh so right at this moment i can say life is good !


lots of love and well done if you read all my babble xx