So I had my good news for Christmas and everyone has been so so kind and it has made so many people happy. But I am not feeling it, I should be over joyed but I am feeling … well I don’t know what I am feeling – numb perhaps I just don’t feel it.

perhaps it because I don’t really believe them – I was so prepared for it to be bad news and for them to say time for chemo and weirdly I was ok with that – perhaps I had accepted it. they said it was just a nuroma a non cancerous lump but I haven’t had a scan so how to they know for sure???

im not obsessing im just spilling whats going on in my head, perhaps it my meds numbing my brain and my feelings.


I guess I’m not used to good news, which may sound very woe is me – but I mean it in a literal sense. Im sure I will get my head around it – its been such a whirl wind of a year I feel like I need to catch up if that makes sense.

Today we had visitors my parents and sisters, I cooked a ham glazed in honey, my famous potato salad, and I baked some bread – which went down very well and the mince pies I made yesterday. Needless to say I’m exhausted and drained but I always put a stupid amount of pressure on myself to make sure I have a tidy (ish) house and food for everyone inc a vegetarian. don’t know why I do it as I know tomorrow I am going to be so tired I will struggle to get out of bed and feel poo, but saying that I wouldn’t have it any other way. There was food for the family which was demolished and they all seemed happy so I am happy.  OMG I sound like a crazy..