Not feeling it….

So I had my good news for Christmas and everyone has been so so kind and it has made so many people happy. But I am not feeling it, I should be over joyed but I am feeling … well I don’t know what I am feeling – numb perhaps I just don’t feel it.

perhaps it because I don’t really believe them – I was so prepared for it to be bad news and for them to say time for chemo and weirdly I was ok with that – perhaps I had accepted it. they said it was just a nuroma a non cancerous lump but I haven’t had a scan so how to they know for sure???

im not obsessing im just spilling whats going on in my head, perhaps it my meds numbing my brain and my feelings.


I guess I’m not used to good news, which may sound very woe is me – but I mean it in a literal sense. Im sure I will get my head around it – its been such a whirl wind of a year I feel like I need to catch up if that makes sense.

Today we had visitors my parents and sisters, I cooked a ham glazed in honey, my famous potato salad, and I baked some bread – which went down very well and the mince pies I made yesterday. Needless to say I’m exhausted and drained but I always put a stupid amount of pressure on myself to make sure I have a tidy (ish) house and food for everyone inc a vegetarian. don’t know why I do it as I know tomorrow I am going to be so tired I will struggle to get out of bed and feel poo, but saying that I wouldn’t have it any other way. There was food for the family which was demolished and they all seemed happy so I am happy.  OMG I sound like a crazy..

1 thought on “Not feeling it….”

  1. Hi Hun
    Love your pic of the new car with your motability man 🙂 You did a great job yesterday putting a brave face on things and trying to have ‘normal’ day for your family for Christmas, and I think that will be a positive thing for quite a while. I bet your family really enjoyed themselves and were happy to see you in your new home and after such good news.
    It is really hard feeling ‘happy’ after you’ve had one hurdle to jump after another, after another. You’d steeled yourself for the next one, and when it didn’t happen you feel a bit lost rather than happy, and I think that’s normal. Your life hasn’t changed despite this ‘good’ news – it’s going to carry on the way it was – it just hasn’t got any worse. Does that make sense?
    Please rest up today, as I know you’ll be worn out, and I also know you’ll want as many photos of the kids tomorrow as possible – and they won’t give you an inch because they’re kids and it’s Christmas 🙂 Rest today, enjoy tomorrow and I’m so glad to be able to wish you all a Merry Christmas xx


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