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A little gift from my oncologist


So today was my monthly visit to the lovely Mr Moss for my check up, he was running half an hour late but it gave me the chance to meet a wonderful lady, who had a guide dog who was the biggest labrador i have ever seen. The woman was lovely she told me all about her past guide dogs and how they were enjoying their retirement homes.

I went into Mr Moss’ room, he always greets me with ‘hiya Steff’,  I explain about the the jaw problems ive been having, he does some tests and checks my neck and tongue. He then produces the THERABITE, hes a present for you.

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He explains that I have fibrosis which is hardening of the soft tissues which have been damaged by the radiotherapy and causing scar tissue.  The therabite is a contraption to stretch my jaw open, i hold it in my mouth and depress the handle to stretch my mouth open just a little more, so in time i will i will be able to open it properly without pain. Although at the moment im in extreem pain, and cant really speak.

Anyway after seeing Mr Moss i went to see my speech therapist, it was the same woman who i was seeing during my radiotherapy.

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She tried to be positive but from the tests she did she could see there was some worsening. We had a practice using the jaw stretcher which can only be described as an instrament of torture. Shes going to arrange for me to see someone more local, so i can see someone more regularly, and she will review me when i go to see Mr Moss.

Im ok, but feeling a bit deflated, the closer christmas gets the more i am reminded of the goal we set for me whilst i was having my radiotherapy…. eat christmas dinner with my husband and children. Now im thinking what do i do on christmas day do i sit at the table with no plate, do i hide in the kitchen for a cry or perhaps write a blog.

Cancer should go like this…. operation, treatment, recover. Not like this, where the recovery doesnt really happen you just go from one problem to the next. I think what im saying is why is this taking so bloody long. And even now we cannot see the light at the end of this massive tunnel.

Its 1am so i should be asleep but im on quite a lot of pain and cannot settle.

Signing off, still smiling xxx ♡♥♡♥♡

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4 thoughts on “A little gift from my oncologist”

  1. Hiya Hun, so your tunnel is a wee bit longer than we thought – okay – a lot longer than we thought – but remember when we thought it was blocked up at the end? You are still here!! And that is a miracle, and the fact that you are here this Christmas with your family is an amazing thing, whether you can eat with them or not. I think you will have an unusual Christmas anyway as you have just moved. If things had gone according to plan you would have been on track to eat with them, but you now you have a different goal. Go back to making shorter goals instead of longer ones, that way you won’t have this reflective disappointment when your treatment plan changes.
    I was wondering what that contraption was, but it does show that there is hope that things will improve if there is a gadget made for helping it. I know you’re tired and I can’t help much, but hopefully you know that I’m beside you in that tunnel for as long as you need me there. xxx

    Like

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