So today was my monthly visit to the lovely Mr Moss for my check up, he was running half an hour late but it gave me the chance to meet a wonderful lady, who had a guide dog who was the biggest labrador i have ever seen. The woman was lovely she told me all about her past guide dogs and how they were enjoying their retirement homes.

I went into Mr Moss’ room, he always greets me with ‘hiya Steff’,  I explain about the the jaw problems ive been having, he does some tests and checks my neck and tongue. He then produces the THERABITE, hes a present for you.


He explains that I have fibrosis which is hardening of the soft tissues which have been damaged by the radiotherapy and causing scar tissue.  The therabite is a contraption to stretch my jaw open, i hold it in my mouth and depress the handle to stretch my mouth open just a little more, so in time i will i will be able to open it properly without pain. Although at the moment im in extreem pain, and cant really speak.

Anyway after seeing Mr Moss i went to see my speech therapist, it was the same woman who i was seeing during my radiotherapy.


She tried to be positive but from the tests she did she could see there was some worsening. We had a practice using the jaw stretcher which can only be described as an instrament of torture. Shes going to arrange for me to see someone more local, so i can see someone more regularly, and she will review me when i go to see Mr Moss.

Im ok, but feeling a bit deflated, the closer christmas gets the more i am reminded of the goal we set for me whilst i was having my radiotherapy…. eat christmas dinner with my husband and children. Now im thinking what do i do on christmas day do i sit at the table with no plate, do i hide in the kitchen for a cry or perhaps write a blog.

Cancer should go like this…. operation, treatment, recover. Not like this, where the recovery doesnt really happen you just go from one problem to the next. I think what im saying is why is this taking so bloody long. And even now we cannot see the light at the end of this massive tunnel.

Its 1am so i should be asleep but im on quite a lot of pain and cannot settle.

Signing off, still smiling xxx ♡♥♡♥♡