Yesterday i had an appointment with my nutritionist and speech and language. We talked about the problems im having and we discovered my soft pallet is damaged from radiotherapy. Also im 500 kal short everyday. I then saw my nurse specialist and talked specifically about my low moods etc i did a multiple choice questionnaire and a psychologist will be advising her next week .. In my mind i am sure she will advise medication – which if i am honest i am ok with as i have had depression before and the medication did help. but i do wonder if it is just situational 
 
I was told that i should be happy about this as i now had a reason for me struggling so much … but to me it just feels like another thing on top of all the others, Im not sure if i have mentioned before but there was also nerve damage in my neck which affects my right arm… this is now pissing me off too, its not majorly noticeable but i cant use that arm to wash my hair, to reach out for things or get things out of a cupboard. so thats never damage in forearm, face and neck !!! what did i do to deserve this shit, seriously i struggle to comprehend how so many “risks” came to be. if they had said these are definates .. these things will happen … or maybe given me physiotherapy but NO i was told they would be risk’s maybe’s they would try not to happen but all 3 did.  i guess im just finding it frustrating, especially as my bloody nausea is rearing its ugly head. 
 
struggling to smile and mean it at the moment 
 
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