This is how i’m feeling at the moment teary, exhausted by sleeping and if anyone dare ask how I am I am a slobbering snotty mess. Because the truth be told – how am I ?? rubbish I feel like I am not coping – like I should be doing more (eating), well everything – I wish I had energy for house work, even just a bit but I have stupidly low blood pressure which makes me feel dizzy and exhausted – the type of tired that sleep wont fix. I find myself wanting to hide away from it all – even from my wonderful husband who is doing everything as I seem unable / unmotivated to do anything.


I saw Mr Moss the other day and as per for before 12 midday I was feeling sick and just for fun being sick – Mr Moss examined me and said he was happy from a cancer point of view ie no signs of it coming back he did mention the swelling on the front of my neck and mentioned it was my thyroid – but didn’t say anything needed doing – he was then quite sharp and upsetting in his wording about me eating … you should be trying more foods by now we need you off the PEG. Obviously that’s my aim tooooooo ffs. it was just hard to hear I guess as its really hard – I still choke on water for Christ sake.  he then passed me over to his registrar – a lovely irish chap who organised for a fluoroscopy if that’s spelt right – a ‘live’ x ray as they put visible fluid into my peg to check it was ok and not that causing the sickness.. it was all ok – so we had another play with medication. the medication change has been pretty good and once I have taken it in the morning its working pretty quickly.

We have also hit summer holidays which adds stress of occupying a 7 year old .. we have a SAGA mega drive…. oh yes i am that cool….. its 20 years old and i got it with my modelling money when we lived in Hong Kong … D is in nursery which is a god send as my energy levels are so low i would not cope on my own – it simply wouldn’t be fair on her.