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6 months to Christmas …… fcuk that im still in februay


My life went on hold the day they said cancer and now people around me are talking about bloody Christmas !! honest to god I am at a loss – part of me just wants to punch them in the face (thankfuly, it’s not the impulsive do whatever I like part)

Yesterday I slept, after my high temp I just zonked out, but today I have stayed awake all day – for a few reasons – to prove I can and also I had, well have something on my mind, which will be for blogging another day.

I am having major problems with my phone atm its driving me mad – the power button is faulty so if the phone goes off I have 2 hours of fanny-ing around to get it to turn on – but with it being an galaxy note and my way of talking to the world via fb, my blog, and my “help I’ve had a fall” call bell – I do not want to send it away, here’s where I wish my blog had 7 million hits and one of my followers was the man who gives the okay to new phones lol, ahhhh we can wish can’t we.

Talking oh luck – Euro millions tickets purchased, and fingers tightly crossed.

I had a visit from my Health visitor today – I don’t know if I have mentioned her before, shes amazing soooooo very well spoken, but so so caring above and beyond – and I feel I can really open up to her hence half and hour in tears.
See I’m in this limbo land at the moment I’m not having treatment, but im not better, I feel shocking but there’s not tangible reason. And the extreme exhaustion is a killer – 1pm till 4am being an example of my extreme napping. I don’t have the energy to shower some days – eating a bowl of ice cream (a table spoon or two)can feel like an impossible task. Although some days are slightly better. I’m feeling very low – I’m missing “life”, I see the nurse every day and tomorrow 2 different nurses one of which being my Macmillan nurse (I predict tears again). I wish I know when all this would end – I was looking for college courses again today – I daren’t apply – both because of cost atm but also what if I am not well enough…. Argggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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