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I have been thinking about this a lot recently and it was dragged kicking and screaming to the surface  today, when we took the children to MacDonalds and I say and cried – not coz i love the food, although i did love a chicken sandwich meal, but I cried because I cannot eat – my last actual meal was the end of Jan. I was sat there thinking I know what that tastes like and I can smell it – but i have no taste – I cannot eat. I felt throughly lonely and “different” it was a very cold and unwelcome feeling.

If I am to think about the future I should get my taste back in a few months – but even then I have half a bloody tongue which doesnt work very well – compared. With all the therapy in the world i will never go out for steak chips with mustard again, never have a date night with hubby at out favourite place in stamford as spicy food is and will be a no go for years to come

Even now when i manage ice cream, its messy, i cannot lick my lips. its embarressting, at 30 years old i need something to wipe my face (i hear the jokes of well im  a messy eater etc but not like this)

I wonder if i will every be confident enough to eat around people.

all of this may seem trivial but if your reading this – please do this …. stick your tongue out — bite your tongue enough to stop it moving– now swallow… that is easier than me swallowing now. I have massive pain which i can only liken to having triple tonsilitis and a throat infection.

Silly things i will never, blow a raspberry with my kids, lick a lolly, whistle for my dogs.

 

I have notice people treating me differently as soon as i start speaking – in shops etc – and rightly or wrongly I feel its down to my facial drop, again it may not seem much to some but I am constantly aware of it – it affects my already pretty shitty speech, i can feel it is in the “wrong” place and mostly how it looks – i don’t look “normal” like me – how i want to look. The scars are pretty bad – as in there’s lots of them but i don’t really mind them. But the mouth drop I HATE IT

 

Not one doctor or nurse has spoken to me about my drop since i was in hospital for my operation. Its like its OK its no biggy – Im inclined to disagree !

 

And the cherry ontop of my day was being asked out to dinner buy someone close who – im hoping was just having a brain fart or mad moment – as i was so bloody thrown by it – but i tell you what its made me feel shocking

 

ahhhh I’m ok – its healthy to have a rant and get it out of your system – or so they say

 

Wonky smiles

 

xxx

 

 

 

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