If that phone rings one more time god help me

Or more to the point god help them !!!


I woke up wanting to go back to bed G had done my meds – a small bonus of the peg – you can have a bloody 3 course mean and not realise – well mostly – there was one nurses at the hospital who depressed the syringe so bloody fast i could taste it – i kid you not barf city. Anyways up showered, Rest from shower – i still find being alive knackering atm, i then went really cold which is my reaction to pain – (its not only me i have a few weird friends who share this oddment) So g got me some pain killers and a hot water bottle and i slept till lunch time.. i hadn’t planned to sleep so long but hey – before i slept i ordered G to rest .. “but the car needs clearing out ” well that’s true the boot is near full blankets kids crap my crap a respirator you know normal shit

So i wake up to more meds having been done g tells me we had a lovely conversation while he was pumping me full of my antibiotic my anti inflam and 3 various pain killers which i bloody hate taking but to have any sense of functionality i must.

Then a mate popped round and wowsers did she look good – it was as “i would” moment lol – in all seriousness it was nice we just chatted and chilled.



So she arrives – in fairness i have seen her years ans she isn’t a bone cruncher sometimes i wish she was for my back but she looks like she should do rehki or alike – not in a long haired hippy way quite the opposite but hey.

First she gets the “touch my hand and die talk” its still so bloody painful i cry most bloody days.  So she pointed out my bad arm (the one with the glorious pic- new pic tmw btw you have been warned) keeps creeping up into the “sling position” which is a natural way of me protecting it as its so painful,  but i should try and keep iut down and as i became more aware of it i realised i put it on my lap and it kept floating up lol – it was very strange. she then took the 5 million pillows off my bed and said lie flat …. i was surprised how much of a stretch that was on my neck which is mega tight .. so i have exercises but they are all for the greater good – i mean i don’t was ‘claw’ to be my left hand or to have a wonky head or always look down.. she asked about another appointment .. my reply there’s my calender  do your worst .. she did find space which was a bonus as i am quite geared up for getting this sorted – my walking and knackered legs not so much for some reason perhaps that’s part of who i am now i don’t know – I do do physio but perhaps not as intense as i should but hey !


If you manage to follow this well done you coz i am thoroughly confused – ok so tomorrow we have dressing clinic at Peterborough (pch) and Thursday we have addenbrookes (ads) for my mask to be made so .. ads phone and say we need to see you before Thursday .. so Tuesday – but i am at pch Tuesday its ok you will get back ok when 10.30 .. ok so we will get back for 2.30,  yes yes they say Okay … they hang up we think due to their wording is Thursday appointment still needed because they didn’t say rearrange they said see you before !!! hummmm … then dietitian phones I tell her about ice cream etc – see i was supposed to be going to pch for speech and language therapy but they couldnt fit me in before my Radio so she suggests we see her after the 10.30 at ads !! Ok but we have to be back for 2.30 yes yes no problems – so then we try and call the radiotherapy department and nothing no answer so we call out Macmillan nurse DB who is a very sweet lady some times i wish she would say “how the hell are you actually felling behind that wonky smile” much like my friend m did last week (some friends you can cry in front others u cant). So i think we have Tuesday – ads ads pch Wednesday – hair cut, nurse coming  Thursday pch?? g physio Friday – nurse at Dr surgery and G Drs (hes at a different one(military thaaang )

so in conclusion if you call, you can expect “WHAT ”  lol much as i did when the lovely lady from the crocus club called – see i have spent hours search for my local Macmillan group when i can get to meet others have a cuppa have a treat bla bla bla – there bloody isnt one !!! but the closest thing i found was the crocus club – from what i can work out it run by this one lady who’s age i cannot guess as she speaks with a voice box and in her own words sounds like a dirty old man lol (tbh it wasn’t that bad i thought she just had a very croaky voice – anyways they are primarily for people who have had cancer of the larynx but she welcomed me with open arms / phone call and offered support and advice which was fab and she understood alot of the “struggles” and that cancer really sucks ass.


If i am honest i have cried a lot today (there i go again) maybe i am feeling a bit woe is me or maybe i have pmt or perhaps i just have fucking cancer which is not bloody fair and how the fuck dare it spread ! but i will try and have a better day tomorrow and the next day !! but I cannot guarantee a thing !! i mean after all i am a woman and emotions are unpredictable at the best of times – poor G !!

Not long till K is due home and for all his mental 7 year oldness which does drive me bonkers – i am missing him and so is D and G hes at his …. his …. nanny’s cousins house they are doing a kieran share for when nanny is working. I have only bloody lost the number !!! annoying much ! but they might call which would be ace – we are getting daily pictures which is lovely from F (the 3rd cousin????) so that’s good and in fairness hes probably – well most defiantly having a better time there than he would here and he is very lucky to have a nanny who has done this.


anyways i am getting shouted out to get my “feed” started – sounds like you should scatter it on the group feeeed yuck i hate that work – milkshake yep that’s better it will henceforth be known as my milkshake !!


I am a crazy bugger arent I lol…. right I am signing off as i mus have my milkshake and a bown of icecream – its practally prescribed by speach and language u know lol


keep smiling even if on the outside it will work its way in – or at the very least will make someone else smile – try it its true its contagious





4 thoughts on “If that phone rings one more time god help me”

  1. I’m not surprised you have your tearful days. Your doing a hell of a lot better that I suspect I would in you shoes. So Mrs you just damn well cry!!! And remember I may be over 100 miles away but I am here as a name (in the fact that I am removed from the situation) so if you need to talk to a person less name, don’t forget I am here xxx


  2. Okay, that was a lot – so no surprise visits then, cos you’ll probably not be in!! I would sleep while you can!! I’m wondering if I can get ice cream prescribed without having to go through all of that to get it?? Good luck getting your mask made, bet that is going to be an interesting process to go through, the crocus group sounds wonderful though, and I’ll bet some of them will have been through it too. Keep on rolling Steph xx


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