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It hasnt sunk in yet


and to be honest i do not think it will…

the appoitment went like this,
Mrs moss and Flat cap doc was there as well as a nurse, Mr moss put a funny torch hedset on which looked rather darlek like lol he looked at my tounge and was pleased with the healing and asked me to say various things to check function – said oh so thats still there talking bout my mouth drop !!

“do you remember when we first talked i said radiotherapy is a strong possibility ? (no i had forgotten i was just thinking about unicorns and flowers)………..Ok so you know we took your lymph nodes (well duhhh) we took 14 in total and out of those 14 there was 2 showing cells – additionally the cancer was aggressive and in some of your nerves in the face – hence the pain – (HA told you it bloody hurt ) – this means you will need to have radio therapy ….. i slump in my whell chair and say “well thats just shit” he smiles and agrees !!

i then mention the reahhhhhly annoying stitch in my mouth thats catching on the roof of my mouth – and do flat cap removes it for me – i didnt feel a thing – hes either very good or it was on the numb bit lol

So off we trot to my first meeting with my oncologiost Mr benson he explains side effects and they are terrible my mouth and throat will blister and bleed i will be tired my skin on face may become toght scar tissue and need fixing – my vioce may change (again)… and tbh there was loads more!!

first step

mask

i mask!!!! its so that i do not move while the fry me !! they are going to call me to go in for this !!

I asked is anything could be done at peterborough as its a 20 min drive – i got a flat no ….. 1 hour 15 100 miles it is every day for 6 weeks thats like 400 plus pound of pertol !!! FFs

so the plan is 3 weeks on monday 29th April I start – every day for 6 weeks – apparently first week ok then it goes down hill the doctor even said its gonna intensive .. a rough ride for you.

ive not hit scared yet – in still quite happily in angry denial with the occasional giggle !!

its just fucked up i mean why the hell
what did i actually do
who the hell are we going to manage – g will have to bacl to work we cannot afford d to go into nursery full time, K will be happy to go to school with whoever and be droped off and he can get his own snack. so thats one thing

oooooh a positive, i have the huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge bandage off arm its now just over wrist … it feels a bit naked but i wll get used to it !!

oh another one tmw the cleaners are coming – if you didnt see before an amazinf friend whos all the way in austraila has organised 2 cleaners do a 4 hour blits each of the house – ita amazing and allows me and g to snuggle tonight insted of hoovering.

Im sure i will have a cry soon and it may even be reading this back – so i wont – im not ready – im off for a nap

lots of loves and wonky smiles

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2 thoughts on “It hasnt sunk in yet”

  1. Just want to join in with the ‘well that’s just shit’ too, with an addittional fuuuuuuuuuuck for good measure. I think the Padre can work out a rota of people whi can do a rota for you of volunteers to take you to the hospital for you appointments. That would spread the cost – and ask ssaffa about benevolent fund – that’s what it is there for. At the moment focus on practicalities, and everything else will follow 🙂 Love you Hun xx

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  2. Ok firstly

    Massive hugs

    The radiotherapy is gonna be intense. The little sponges that u get in hos pink things on end of sticks. Ask for LOTS. my mum dipped them in water to rub on her lips.
    And in Tea coffee pop yoghurt anything liquids. So she could taste /eat foods without having to open her mouth too much cos it hurt the ulcers n coldsores she got.

    I can’t remember which cream it was but we used to rub a moisturisor. On her face each night for her to help some of the tightness.

    Speak to saafa etc to see if they’re able to help more. Is there a place u could stay Mon-Fri so your bot doing round trip every day?
    Could Macmillan help with costings for petrol/childcare?

    Sending you lots n lots of love. The emotions that come accept them. Ride them out don’t bottle things up. I’m only a message away even in the night. I’m up at least twice feeding N so can read/reply then xxx

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