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and to be honest i do not think it will…

the appoitment went like this,
Mrs moss and Flat cap doc was there as well as a nurse, Mr moss put a funny torch hedset on which looked rather darlek like lol he looked at my tounge and was pleased with the healing and asked me to say various things to check function – said oh so thats still there talking bout my mouth drop !!

“do you remember when we first talked i said radiotherapy is a strong possibility ? (no i had forgotten i was just thinking about unicorns and flowers)………..Ok so you know we took your lymph nodes (well duhhh) we took 14 in total and out of those 14 there was 2 showing cells – additionally the cancer was aggressive and in some of your nerves in the face – hence the pain – (HA told you it bloody hurt ) – this means you will need to have radio therapy ….. i slump in my whell chair and say “well thats just shit” he smiles and agrees !!

i then mention the reahhhhhly annoying stitch in my mouth thats catching on the roof of my mouth – and do flat cap removes it for me – i didnt feel a thing – hes either very good or it was on the numb bit lol

So off we trot to my first meeting with my oncologiost Mr benson he explains side effects and they are terrible my mouth and throat will blister and bleed i will be tired my skin on face may become toght scar tissue and need fixing – my vioce may change (again)… and tbh there was loads more!!

first step


i mask!!!! its so that i do not move while the fry me !! they are going to call me to go in for this !!

I asked is anything could be done at peterborough as its a 20 min drive – i got a flat no ….. 1 hour 15 100 miles it is every day for 6 weeks thats like 400 plus pound of pertol !!! FFs

so the plan is 3 weeks on monday 29th April I start – every day for 6 weeks – apparently first week ok then it goes down hill the doctor even said its gonna intensive .. a rough ride for you.

ive not hit scared yet – in still quite happily in angry denial with the occasional giggle !!

its just fucked up i mean why the hell
what did i actually do
who the hell are we going to manage – g will have to bacl to work we cannot afford d to go into nursery full time, K will be happy to go to school with whoever and be droped off and he can get his own snack. so thats one thing

oooooh a positive, i have the huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge bandage off arm its now just over wrist … it feels a bit naked but i wll get used to it !!

oh another one tmw the cleaners are coming – if you didnt see before an amazinf friend whos all the way in austraila has organised 2 cleaners do a 4 hour blits each of the house – ita amazing and allows me and g to snuggle tonight insted of hoovering.

Im sure i will have a cry soon and it may even be reading this back – so i wont – im not ready – im off for a nap

lots of loves and wonky smiles