It started with the CT with contrast – the contrast makes you feel ‘orrible… i was shakey and throwing up !!! schexxy !!!!

We then had an hour to kill before the big appt – which actually went quickly, we waited in the maxo facial waiting room and rather round older man calls us in – he has a look in my mouth first then says i am goign to talk at you for a bit then we will break it down and have times for questions – he re-iterated loads that there was no rush and he was here all day etc..

he said the best option was surgery but the need a 1cm clear margin around the tumor which means a bloody huge amount of my tounge gone – but the will rebuild with some muscle from my leg (they are crap anyways). That when they were doing op they would remove the lymph nodes of the right side – they werent showing on teh scans but they needed them under a scope before they coudl say for sure !

Depending on the results of the 1cm margin and the nodes i will be given chemo and radio therapy…

As i have mentioned eating is a problem and i have a silver lining – so there was a nutritionist there too – she spoke about they were going to put a “peg” feeding tube in – its a semi perminant tube straight into stomach – tube out of belly skin and i will be taught to put liquid food into this …

The doc kept offering to show me pictures – the way he was saying it was like it was trophy he wanted to show off !! i just said no and got a bit angry the 3rd or 4th time

 

he also mentioned afer surgery i would have a hole in my neck to breathe through – i cannot recall name and i cut him off saying i didnt want to know about that as it was too much information by this point !

We went home in silence and i went straight to bed – g’s mum left shortly afterwards and i fell asleep after having a cry !

I messaged all my friends who knew at the time and later i put a message on facebook to let people know what was going on ! it felt good in a weird way – everyone has been great.. some friend have said some amazing things .. and have been extreemly kind !

 

right i am off to bed i have probably left lots of stuff out but i will read this back tomorrow and correct if needed – im very tired – its been a long day

big loves

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