14th Feb – for most a mushy loved up day – for me a day of reliasation a day of every emotion i have ever felt – i would be laughing and crying at the same time while texting G telling him he was a bleep bleep for not being there / here for me and for being at work !!

He came home at 5.20 i had been a good little wifee and dinner was done but as was now the norm i hadnt cooked for me – well theres no point i cant bloody eat it !!!

Anyways we talked and relaxed for a bit but it certainly didnt feel romantic !!

Add a whopping arguement with my mother who i told needed to “cut the umbilical ” with my 17 year old sister who is her shaddow – to which she replied ditto, meaning me – i had just told her i have cancer !!!!! but this is the same lady who recently said “i have my own stuff going on and dont need yours, its not like i am your next of kin !!! ” no your only my mother !! needless to say i am now done.

Anyway i was getting ready for bed that night and G said whats that – looking ay my breast !!!

It was a misshapen breast (not in a gustin way ) it just want right and thats when i found a lump !!!!!