Sensing tone in the written word

This is something that has intrigued me for a long while. I find it interesting that you can, for example reply “ok” in a text it can be taken so may ways.

OK,  ie fine what ever I hate you right now!!!!
OK,  ie no issues, I’m happy with that thanks.
OK, ie  lethargic don’t care do what you like.
OK,  ie yippee yayyyyyyyyyyy I’m a happy bunny!!
OK,  ie yep Roger that !

That’s just what I thought
of off the top of my head, sarcasm is a totally different beast,  as without actually stating that your being sarcastic it’s near impossible. 

I see this all the time on Facebook, I can’t count the amount of arguments I have seen caused by people meaning one thing and it being read differently, often by different people causing what i could only describe as sub – arguments. 

I’m writing this today as I fell victim to this by my own written word, now I’m no real writer, and my punctuation sucks so it’s no surprise it’s happened and it’s not the first time and in this won’t be the last.

So here it is

Me and hubby don’t have much family family support (before anyone gets their backs up I’m referring to visits, yes I know ppl work etc )

Looking at it to me it looks like I was immediately defending what i had said, and perhaps in the brackets correcting as well as clarifying. So overall a D- would be the appropriate mark.

Perhaps I could have said due to circumstances  beyond our control we don’t live near to family so rarely see them? Perhaps.

But in essence isn’t the same??

I don’t know, I’m fully aware the lack of visits/support from/seeing family is due to people working, I’ve shared my sisters blog before she’s a steward on yachts all over the  world. Our parents all work and live 3 plus hours away, and 1 works full time, one part time and ones retired.

What I’m saying is in my other post,  the quote above I simply meant “I get it” but I have lots of people read by blog who don’t know our families situation.

But the syntax didn’t read that way, the  inflection was misunderstood. 

I’m sure this will happen again but I will be more aware from now on.

P.S the antibiotics seem to be working well

Another bump in the road!!

Well, this bloody radiotherapy I had has well and truly buggered me up.

Currently I’m fighting off another bout of cellulitis and mouth sores and mucusitus.  Needless to say, but i will say anyway, I’m in so so much pain. Imagine having salt on a ulser now make that ulser up to 4 mm wide and add 100 more (ish) and your getting close.  The cellulitis thankfully looks like it’s on its way out but for some reason is more painful today. But it IS looking better. I just need to try and not get dehydrated,  with my mouth being so very sore and my TMJ playing up it will not be easy but I don’t want to end up on a drip.

In the past week I’ve lost a stone in weight!! Tbh I’m pretty pleased as I was getting a bit too wobbly.  See i found a silver lining. I won’t lie this has got me very very down. I’ve so much go on. Me and hubby have no real family support (before this gets anyone’s back up I’m referring to visits, yes I know ppl work etc). Although I have a great neighbour who has let Kieran hop into her car on school run when she takers her adorable 2 to the same school.

I think I’ve had so so much to deal with over the past 9 year’s and so much pain both physical and mental,  i guess I’m just worn out.

Not quite smiling if I’m honest

Summer Holidays

Well its 2 weeks since we started our ‘plan’ of night feeds etc, it’s going ok as long as I’m taking my anti sickness, so could be worse. I’ve not managed much in the way of mls, and 1ml is 1 calorie, here’s an example of a few days feed, 450mls 600 mls 320mls and 0 mls as I forgot to put it on.  Also I’m supposed to have 2 to 3 of these a day on top of my night feed to attempt to bring me up to 1700 or 1800 calories a day … anyway is is what they are




Truth be told, I rarely manage the top ups, due to my almost instant nausea and sickness.  So some days I’m living on 600 calories which is shite. I try and add more but I’m having severe pain as soon as I start eating, doesn’t really make you want to carry on trying to eat, thankfully it’s not every single time buy at least 75%.

But the good news is my GP who incidentally is great, says this mouth pain could in theory be down to my hypothyroid, and or my vitamin and mineral deficiencies etc. So hopefully as soon as they all are back up to a healthy level we should be in a much better place. My GP is even trying to find an injectable iron supplement, as the tablets etc don’t agree with me.

In other news I’m doing pretty well, at the moment,  which is a bonus especially as we have just started the summer holidays, which usually fills me with fear and dread, but as the kids get older it seems to be easier.
My poor K thought as soon as the holidays started everyone was out playing all the time?! He got himself all upset on day one and two when no one was around, so I’ve given him a project,  to fill this


He can fill it with pictures, stories, descriptions of what we have been up to, anything really and it’s a nice thing for him to do in the evening once the tazmainian devil aka D is in bed. We have a few other bits up my sleeve to keep him occupied,  i will be sure to keep you in the loop.

Don’t forget I have a new blog which in time i will be filtering over to

Still smiling Mwah !!!!

We have a plan….

Well the start of a plan. Since my last post I stopped eating due to the pain, so when I went to the doctors he made some phone calls and was clearly very persuasive as I had my dietitian on the phone before I had even left the doctors, well nearly, I had a voice mail as the signal there is a bit random.

So, i use the hands free and return the call she explains that the food diary I did 2 or 3 weeks ago when I was doing really well, wasn’t quite as good as I thought it was the “highlights” were, lack of protein, deficiency in plenty of vitamins and minerals. We then moved onto me barely eating for 2 weeks then not eating for 5 or 6 days, she said I NEED to go back on the feeding pump, she knows I feed over night so it will be many hours till my feed so she says “you need to go in and do a bolus feed, NOW” It’s a good job she’s lovely.



This is what I have for bolus feeds, for top ups etc. It’s 300 kals and has lots of vitamins and minerals. 


Ignore the bubbles, not that they are dangerous they would just make me feel bloated and possibly burp lol.

I haven’t done this in forever and sort of forgot a few things for example if I do a full bottle ie 2 syringes I feel sick and bloated. Anyways I rushed too as I was going to see a lady J about getting an allotment plot!! I was in such a rush the second syringe was attached As I was going around the allotment. 

So as I mentioned I went to get an allotment plot as I’ve always loved growing vegetables and the opportunity was there. Here’s the vegetables I have in my garden currently. 


Green beans




My pumpkins ant tomatoes at the top although they have literally doubled in size since I took this picture. 

Anyways I’m off to see Mr Moss in the morning.  I’m hoping he can help with my pain and getting me back to eating although I know that may take a while.

Anyways I’m off to sleep as it’s 2 am. 

Lots of love and hugs to everyone who’s taken the time to read this, remember smiles are contagious and can really make someone’s day.

Still smiling.

1 year post radiotherapy and struggling

I’m at my wit’s end, I’m almost 12 months post radiotherapy and 14 most post surgery (half tongue removed and reconstructed with free flap forearm). 

I keep having blips, here’s a few 

Auto immune reaction in mouth causing extensive ulceration. 
Sickness returning on and off
I STILL  have my peg
My oral food intake is extremely limited ie scrambled egg, beans, sweet potato, cauliflower, bread sauce, weetabix, kings mill muffins,  1 brand of pizza. Ice cream.
Cellulitis which turned into septicaemia. 
Thyroid problems and we are struggling to get my levels right
Thyroiditis aka hashimoto’s

Currently my mouth is extremely sore, my cheeks are bleeding after every time i brush my teeth as is my “new tongue”.  Almost every time i try and eat I get a burning sensation which is so severe I can’t even cry. My jaw is so so saw at the joints and has even partially dislocated a few times in the past few weeks. 

I have only eaten weetabix and a few bowls of ice cream all week. 
I’m feeling desperate and like I’ve gone backwards so so much. Arggggghhh. 

Falsey smiles atm.

Being a better person.

Being a better person ??

Since my cancer i have had a urge, a need to make things better. I think its the “live life to it fullest” type theory.

but what is a better life? Is it being more popular having more friends ? Is it doing crazy things like sky diving ? Or is it just being happy ? and if its the later, can anyone be truly happy all the time?

I’m working on the theory, remove stress and i will be happier, unfortunately i cannot remove the children, dogs and husband as that tends to be frowned upon! I guess i don’t have the same stress of other people, i don’t work, i don’t have a busy social calender, but i have health related stress and issues. I have decided i must find a alternative ways to reduce stress.

I am aiming to do at least 10 minutes of yoga a day and I’m planning on learning to do meditation, in fact i have signed up for a course in meditation. it happens to be something i have always been intrigued about.  I am also trying desperately not to hate myself and my body, i have terrible self image issues and rarely feel comfortable looking in a mirror, which unsurprisingly has been made worse by numerous scars and swelling etc. I am my own worst enemy, i am plagued with self doubt about literally everything. Its so ridiculous that i have even managed to talk myself out of attending the Queens Garden Party !! thankfully i have come to my sences and have a wonderful dress and im now looking for a hat. 

Lots of love and hugs to everyone to needs it. Still smiling 




I don’t think this is the hat.